Escape
#164: To Freedom
Last Feb 25, I celebrated by 6th year of freedom. I was in Darling Harbor with a group of friends. One talked about her emotionally-abusive relationship. One talked about how he learned housework early in life because his mom fell ill when he was 11. Another one was briefing us on cycling. I sat quietly and listened. These were all good. I'm learning laundry. I'm planning to buy a bike so I can cycle to Maroubra Beach on beautiful Saturdays. And inside, I'm celebrating being free from a long emotionally-draining and manipulative relationship.
When my mother asked me at some point if that relationship was traumatic for me, I quickly and casually said no. It wasn't. I cried once after I've told my parents and my pastor and that was it. That was the end of that. I quickly moved on. I have a talent for brushing the dust off and walking away easily.
Now, I'm looking at myself and I'm finding it a bit strange that I seem to be very cautious in dealing with anything that may potentially threaten this freedom. Whereas before, I could maintain friendships freely with guys, now I do a lot of analyzing of motives and drivers. I have learned in the past 3 or 4 years (thanks to Cathy, Justine and guys X,Y,Z) that most guys will not invest time on someone they are not considering a potential mate. Once they find their answer (whether they come to it on their own or it is directly given to them - better if they come to it on their own. It suggests thought.), they either cross over to become really good friends or they disappear from the face of the earth. Suits me either way. The only thing that doesn't is the awkwardness of finding that middle ground between being genuinely interested in keeping a friendship (and just that, nothing more) and pulling the plug to avoid erroneously leading someone on. Would you rather lose a friend now so that you can avoid having a pursuer down the line or keep the friend now and potentially invite a headache later on?
I've always had the rule of not assuming anything until something is concretized in words. As a marketer, I ought to be wiser than that. It's the things consumers do not get to verbalize during research but which natural ethnographers pick up that have the potential to make great impact. Once you are able to observe them, then you can decide on your next move.
Ok then, which way is the fire escape?
posted by VivaGlam! at 7:44 AM
5 Comments:
perhaps marketers just dont believe that words and honesty are sufficient and effective. funny, cause most of the world would think so. perhaps simply telling it like it is will have the greatest effect, allowing a most effective outcome
10:08 AM
borrowed from another:
A work of literature changes over time. The relationship between text and reader is two-way, not one-way: readers ascribe meanings to texts that authors did not, could not imagine. An author's intention may become changed or lost ... even though the text is fixed. An author's intention becomes, in some sense, irrelevant. We do not read old texts because of an author's intention. We read them because we respond to them in some appealing way.
1:16 PM
good bye? abusive relationship?
matagal-tagal na rin yata akong di nakabasa ng blog mo.
Anyway, i like the quote from above about Literature. So True.
9:16 AM
Anonymous1, only idealists believe that words and honesty are sufficient. I can say that I believe this or that but if my actions do not support my words, my words are worth nothing. Maybe a better way to look at it is that honesty is proven by the actions beneath the words.
Anonymous2, are you Anonymous1 coming back for more? =) So what do you actually mean by this? Kindly expound. The way I'm reading it is that my actions may be read in another way and that has less connection to my intention as it does to the way the receive/viewer perceives and interprets it. Is that a relatively correct interpretation? Or does it really matter how I interpret it no matter how incorrect or correct that may be since you've "let go" of the words and they're on my realm already? (Making... my...head...hurt...) =)
Teejae, I said my friend was in an emotionally-abusive relationship. I was in an emotionally-draining one a LOOOOONNNNGGGG time ago. I was still stupid then. (Or maybe, I'm just less stupid now.) Don't you just hate drama? (The only drama I like is the one that has theater written all over it. Glama-Drama is fine too.) Why am I rambling?
10:30 AM
ooh this is fun...
honesty...words AND actions can lie when things are neither about words nor actions, but rather the heart..and yet the heart can be deceitful above all. lol. i take your point, though wonder what is wrong with being an idealist. how would you or i or the world change if we all remained realists? or...am i just, simply, wrong? :)
but, i take it, you are talking about... 'relationships'. is that behaviour something similar to a consumer? and who is the consumer? you or they? ;)
regarding coming back for more...A2. yeah but its fun and i have time...
so, what do i mean? thats the point...what do you think i meant? why is it hard for you to gain the correct meaning from a simple quote? and then again, (hope our brains arent hurting too much here still :) )what about what the original author meant? does what he or she meant matter anyway?
well your second theory would apply, i think, to the intention of the original author. his meaning is irrelevant as i have used it for my purpose because i believe it conveys a thought i wished to express. i have detached his meaning from my intention..and so should you. your first theory though, is someone accurate. but that relates to correctness. as for meaning, well thats something entirely different!
1:30 PM
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